We humans have the pernicious habit of associating love with proximity. If you love someone, they have to be held closely and under no circumstance should they be let go. To us, loving means giving it our all. It means investing our time and energy into that person. And sure, loving someone oftentimes means just that. When you love, you prioritize. They become a major recipient of your devotion and praise. But in life, there may come a time where our person needs to be loved from a distance.
This may seem contrary to popular belief because we’ve be taught that if you love someone, you can’t possibly want to let go. You want to fight, hold on, and cling to a love that sometimes is inadvertently destroying you. You believe that loving someone means you stick by their side no matter what. Otherwise, it wouldn’t be ‘true’ love. But loving someone, sometimes, means that you need to love them from a distance and let them destroy their own heart and hopefully heal it without taking yours with it. But how do you love someone and still walk away?
It’s harder than you can imagine, and it really fucking hurts. I MEAN REALLY FUCKING HURTS. But this is where you look outside yourself and become utterly, wholeheartedly honest. You acknowledge that this person made a profound impact on your life. This is where deep, pure love finds you. The kind tragedies are written about.
There may have been a time where no words would have adequately expressed how much this person truly meant to you. You admit that loving them was incredibly invigorating and intoxicating to the point you didn’t know how to do anything BUT love them. You eventually come to terms with the fact that loving that person has been a tremendous roller coaster of ups and downs. And despite perhaps being a huge fan of roller coasters in real life, your relationship should not be one.
You then have to learn to love from a distance. I’m a Taurus, my ruling planet is Venus, I am love and rarely ever unlove. So this is unbelievably hard for myself, but it is profoundly healthier than loving someone who cannot love you 100%, or meet you in the way you need, even if they wanted to and once believed they could, or did.
True love is not confined by distance or interaction. It’s based on the premise that the person receiving your love treats you with equal and reciprocated respect, honesty, and devotion. If someone is unable or unwilling to do that, it’s best to take a step back.
It doesn’t mean this is a permanent state of separation or that we just forget about all the care and good they’ve done for us. Nor does it diminish the time that person has shared with us. Afterall, we should always find gratitude in our connections. But it is our responsibility to walk away, to say, “I love you, but I can’t be with you right now. Because while you’re hurting and punishing yourself, you’re hurting me as well.” And it’s not to say we are giving up on them, but giving them space to do the work without losing yourself in their pain. Because in love, their pain, is your pain.
By taking this space, not only do you honor your heart by protecting it from becoming tired and hardened, but you honor theirs because it allows room for both of you to grow and learn to love yourselves more so you can love each other better when divine timing reconnects you.
The Ginger *Snap*s 